From Independence to Helplessness

Cancer is just a word for me, until a close friend got it. Then, it became a reality. A sad and expensive reality for her and those who love her.

I visited my friend in her second cycle of chemotherapy. She's a fighter, without any trace of despair. I think she just got a full dose of 'God-confidence' that she will be victorious in the end. I wrote about her a month ago in this article: I Love Her. 

I was about to entitle this follow-up article as I Love Her Part II, but it sounded redundant and so cheesy, she might choke up when she reads it, hahaha!

Actually, I just wanna share the brief interview I did with her as a means of raising awareness that 'cancer' is as real as death and it might struck anyone at any given time regardless of health or lifestyle. 

Since, I could not quote her verbatim (in English, as our conversation was in Filipino), I will simply do an honest-to-goodness narration (with some pictures or videos  for visualization purposes).

(Disclaimer: this article is written with her permission)

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" HOW SHE FOUND OUT? " 

Second half of December 2015, she observed a lump in her right breast. It was something not ordinary, so she went to Makati Med for check-up. She underwent breast ultrasound, and the result said the lump was something suspicious and must be further tested.

" WHAT THEY (doctors and nurses) DID and WILL STILL DO TO HER? " 

They made a minor surgery to her Dec.28 to remove the lump. They did a biopsy and the result was released a week after. The tumor was found malignant. Final prognosis: Stage 2A HER2+ Breast Cancer. It is an aggressive type of cancer because of the abundance of a type of protein (HER2 receptor) that makes cancer cells grow and divide faster. Her doctors recommended mastectomy, chemotherapy, targeted therapy, and hormone therapy.

her with a port

They made a major surgery on her right breast,  a day before her birthday. It's to prevent cancer cells from spreading to other parts of her body. After her body recovers from the wound, chemotherapy, targeted therapy, and hormone therapy follow. Chemotherapy and targeted therapy will ensure no more cancer cells will be left in her body. Hormone therapy will suppress her ovary production of estrogen which fuels the production of HER2 receptor.

In preparation for the chemotherapy, she underwent a liver ultrasound, 2d echo cardiogram, and blood test. The drugs could make her internal organs fail if she is not fit. Luckily, all her tests were good. Then, they did another minor surgery to implant a port-a-catheter in her left chest. It was attached to a vein near her heart. Chemotherapy is (will be) administered through the port.

 

She got her first chemotherapy cycle last Feb. 12 and her second today. 

Targeted therapy using  HERCEPTIN will start on May. Cost per cycle (for HERCEPTIN) is almost a hundred thousand pesos.

For the duration of the chemotherapy program, she would also take oral medicines (anti-nausea, and antacid) and will have injections for ovary suppression. If cancer remission does not occur within 5 years after she finishes all chemotherapy sessions, she would be declared cancer free.

" WHAT CANCER DO TO HER? "

 - Life in General

I have known her to be independent and strong, relying on no one except herself. Cancer change her life completely. From unswerving independence to an almost helpless state. 

A lady who once believed she can do anything, has now physical limitations. Before, she was only concerned with work and achievements, but now her main focus becomes healing and staying alive.

On the positive note, she acknowledges what she's going through is a humbling experience. She's learning to accept help from other people. By the way, she is saying "Thank You!" to those who had deposited in her BDO account (special mention to the one who deposited in BDO Greenbelt branch) and  to those who prayed and who keep on praying for her healing. May God bless you a thousand times in return for your kindness.

 - Physically

Strength and Appetite

Her physical activities were limited and her appetite changed days after her first chemotherapy session. She tires easily. Food and water taste weird. And sad to say, even if she don't want to feel that way, facebook posts of her friends going there and everywhere, and eating this and that food, make  her conscious of what she can no longer enjoy (at the moment). Not long ago, she can go there and everywhere, and eat this and that too.

Hair

Oh men! She got nice hair and she cut it after her major surgery to prepare for one of the inevitable side effects of chemotherapy - hair loss. 

Last week, she started losing her hair. But she could not help feeling awkward the first time it happened. Not just a few strands came with the comb, but clusters of it. It took her 3 or more days getting used to seeing her hair fall off with a slight stroke of the comb or seeing her pillow full of hair every morning.

Good thing, I cut my hair short two days before I visit her. I actually feel guilty; while I am worried on how I will make my hair presentable, she was losing hers and yet stays so positive it would grow back in their full healthy state.

- Socially

Her new fashion statement - a mask and a scarf. Yeah, the mask may hide her pretty face, but a scarf on her head looks good on her. And because she must prevent external contaminants (bacteria, etc.) from entering her body, she must avoid crowded areas or pecking cheeks with family/friends specially those with flu/colds. 

According to her, one perks of a cancer patient is you can directly enter MRT/LRT. Not bad after all if you are a commuter.  Haha! What a lady?!? She went to the hospital by commuting alone for her second cycle of chemotherapy. Well, she got that nerve as she knows side effects of the drugs will be felt after 2 or 3 days.

- Mentally

Cancer did not take her mental strength away. She is quite positive; everything will be alright in the end. After all, according to certain publications, the stage of cancer she has had a 90+% survival rate.

In addition, as proof of her mental strength, she could never make work take the back seat of her mind for long. She wanted to report to work as soon as possible even preferring physically reporting to the office than work-at-home setup.

 - Emotionally

What pulls strings to her emotions in regards to her situation is her mom. Seeing her 60-yrs old mom taking care of her needs, and going there and where to accumulate financial support for her upcoming chemo sessions, makes her sad. Above it all, she could not imagine the pain it would give her mother if God would decide to take her away.

 - Spiritually

The situation made her realized that she is totally helpless, and should only rely on God for complete healing. It was a brand new challenge for her, and all her independence (or strength of character) could do nothing. Yet, she believes that she is a child of God, so, will never be shaken or defeated. 

She has unwavering desire to live life to its fullest. Not giving up any of her dreams. 

She have and may still have her occasional little bouts with doubt of what will happen next, but she did not and should not dwell on it. For time and time again; God proved, is proving, and will still prove to her, she never was, never is, and never will be alone in her battle.

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 " WHAT WE WANT FOR HER? "

We, her close friends and family members, pray and hope she keeps her faith in and love for God throughout her ordeal. May she always have that "winning attitude" as she continues to  fight against cancer. 

Well, if along the way, her spirit gets low, we are just here to cheer her on. 

We will remind her that whatever comes tomorrow (even if we will fail to be by her side) God's love will be there for her to stay and will be her blue sky.

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 " WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU (the Readers) ? "

Well, nothing really, so why bother? 

If you are not going through any life threatening sickness or know no one who goes through it, then most probably you could not relate. Just hope you will realize that if you are healthy, alive, and kicking, then you are more than lucky. So, if your mind could accommodate just a little sense, you can probably assess if your actions are beneficial for you or to people close to or around you.

As for those who are going through or had known someone who had gone through the same, then you will most probably agree if I say Life is precious. It must neither waste away on activities that do not bring real value nor on doing/saying nonsense that intentionally/unintentionally hurt people who do you no harm. So, love and obey God, honor and love your parents and family, care about your friends, and do good even to strangers and enemies.

In the end, each and everyone of us will surely die, and most certainly be forgotten. However, how we live our lives are the only footprints that will be left behind on the sands of time and on the hearts of the (still living) people we encounter. Basically, the bottom line is you write your own eulogy. 


(To the new ones to this site,  you may found my words very blunt, but I would not apologize for it. I have been blunt, is blunt, and will always be blunt.)